Wednesday, May 11, 2011

waited too long and now this is the longest post of all time

I feel like every time I write it's always waaah waaaaaah bad news. Not trying to be a negative Nancy, just giving out the info.

SO. Chemo was on the 20th, which was a Wednesday, by Friday, as always, I was back in the hospital. This time I was, how do I put this nicely?? Ummmm, when I went to the bathroom, not pee pee, there was lots and lots of blood instead of a number 2. Sorry.

Anyhoo this went on for several days, every 20-45 minutes. I was terrified. I left the hospital Saturday and had to go back Monday for pain. I couldn't stand, sit, speak, anything. I had started throwing up whenever I went to the bathroom as well and couldn't keep up with drinking because it usually came up. SO needless to say, anti nausea medication never stayed down for a second. It was bad. So bad that I even sent Ian home from the hospital because using energy to speak or even look at him made me so sick and sore and would lead to crying or other things that made me barf some more. And can i say it is very uncomfortable sharing a room with someone when you are both getting sick and needing the bathroom that often. Not a good sitch. They kept me on hydration and a liquid diet. I was worried about not eating but they said it was ok.

They let me out of the hospital I think it was the Wednesday or Thursday after. My stomach was sticking out so far that I looked 6 months pregnant, even my bellybutton had popped out.

When I got home, I went straight to bed. Kate was over watching the girls, as always, and I had her hide with them so I could sneak past because I was so sick. I stayed in bed overall for 17 days. Not a lot of talking, eating or eye opening for the first 2 weeks. Ian got really scared, and to be honest, I was really scared too. I couldn't move, but had to run to the bathroom at least every 2 hours. I needed dilaudid for the pain in my tummy. I never get sick in front of Ian but had no control and just hung out barfing in front of him like there was no tomorrow. And did I mention the diapers? It was hell. PS I think colitis is just inflammation of your intestines or bowels. I had a hot water bottle on the backside and a magic bag on the front and could only lay on my right side. It was bs. Eventually I started to feel a bit better and was able to swallow water and pills without having to be so careful. Then the nausea stopped and I started with apple sauce. I'm still not back to normal and it's been almost 20 days.

My energy is very low and for most of every day I am still in bed. I've also started having really terrible and constant hot and cold flashes where I soak my clothes and am incredibly uncomfortable and shivery. My body thinks that it is going into menopause because chemo is very hard on your ovaries. My nurse says that since I'm so young that in two months my period (sorry) will come back and all of this will stop.

I went yesterday (Rosie's birthday!) to get the results of my genetics test I told you about a while back. Turns out I magically don't have the gene mutation. I was so positive that I did, that I sat down and said to Erica, my geneticist, "I know it's positive, if you said negative I would honestly not believe you at this point so you can just skip having to say it altogether. I just have some questions concerning my daughters and what to do with surgery for the other breast and my ovaries" and to that she replied, "well then I've got some shocking news for you..." yeah I balled. Like a baby. I never cared about myself it was just the fact that my daughters would have such a high chance of getting it that I couldn't live with myself. So it was a great birthday because of that. And it will be a great week and month and year because of it too!

Surgery is the 24th of May. I'm scared but I just have to go with it. Ian just informed me that I'll be missing the great Glebe garage sale AGAIN. UGH. I haven't been in 3 years. So that's a bummer. But I hope to start getting energy soon so that going into surgery I actually feel good and can maybe even walk in and not be wheeled in.

Today is my first day going back to the chemo floor. I have to continue to go every 3 weeks until about a year from now to get a bag of herceptin to block dirty hormones that give me cancer. Trisha will be taking me so it's my first time without my Ian. But I'm kind of looking forward to having her there and having her see what I'm always talking about.

Ok I'm done. And I'm on Ian's computer so the fancy picture of the day is me immediately before shaving my head. nice.


Here's my tummy after it started to go down. Pardon the diaper yo


  1. Thanks for taking the time to post your update. I know it must have taken a lot of effort!
    So sorry to hear that you're having such a rough time! You are in our thoughts and prayers and if there is anything we can do please let us know! One of the women who comes to our group (Cat - 31 yrs.) has been through chemo, surgery, more chemo and radiation as well (she's also on herceptin and is gene negative). She has a 17 mos. old little boy and she is finally doing fantastic. I know she would love to say hi when you are up to it.

    Jennifer Turner (cancer counsellor) and the girls at the Ottawa Cancer Foundation Breast Cancer Support Group


  2. Thanks for the update!! I just love the honesty of your blog, Justine. I hope you're on the mend from your last chemo and all my good thoughts will be with you for surgery. I was really sorry to miss Ian's bday (I was in Europe) and getting to say hi to you!

    Keep it up sister!! You're an inspiration.

    Sarah Little xo