oh my

So this past weekend, I was experiencing some pretty intense pain. I had been prescribed Dilaudid (is that the right spelling? I don't know) but no matter how much I took, the pain wouldn't go down. I ended up pretty much rolling around in my bed all weekend or laying on the floor of the shower with only the hot on my back. The worst of it was I guess usually my hips and lower back and spine, but my ribs, thighs, calves, knees and upper arms were so so painful. Oh and my sternum really bad, too. I was cursing family day because it meant one more day without being able to call Dr Song to get a new drug or have her suggest I take more.
Monday night by 3am I was at an all time high for pain. Easily an 8 or 9 out of 10 - and I've had two children - so I got into the shower again to try to pass time without losing it. I was texting Ian at work a lot and started going a little nutters in my head. My pupils got really tiny and I was getting confused about what was happening and just simple things. I finally got myself out of the shower and into some towels and then into bed, which is where I became positive that I had a fever. I couldn't reach the thermometer because of the aches and how freezing I felt, so I waited for Ian to get home.


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I wrote all of that a while ago, so much has happened. Anyways, long story short, I had a fever and we went to emerg at 3am, had blood work and lots of tests done and they say that i had low white counts and low hemoglobin and that they were looking for infection in my blood cultures so I'd have to be admitted. I waited 13 hrs in emerg and Ian had to leave before it was up because Rosie had an appointment for shots at 2pm the next day. In the meantime, they tried Percocet and more Dilaudid but the only time I actually came down from the pain enough to feel ok was when I got the pill and then an hour and a half later it wasn't working, got the shot of Dilaudid on top of it.
When I got to my room, I told the nurse this since I had just had a pill an hour and a half before and was ready for my "breakthrough" shot as well so I could sit comfy. She said no and then I was left for another good 4 hours in pain. I got pretty desperate and would ask anytime somebody came but they all just kept going to check and not coming back. It was bad because it was climbing and i couldn't handle it at all.
Finally I started buzzing over and over and saying I was going to burst out of the window soon and I needed help now and then shortly after my own Oncologist walked in to check on me. I told her what I'd had and that it had worked but that so far up here they wouldn't give it to be and now I had been waiting 5 hrs with nothing for pain. A nurse walked in right then and gave me a shot. Kind of lame but at that point I didnt care I just needed it one way or another. I explained that pills didn't work and Dr Song said we'd just do shots then and that I shouldn't be in any pain.

My fever finally started to break again and then I had this amazing night nurse, Judy, who tucked me in and just made me really happy and comfortable to be here. The gave the shots well and had a really gentle voice that just made you sleepy. I want to take her home in my pocket but I don't know if it'll happen. She'd get me warm blankets and cover me and then rub my little body underneath them and like touch my head before she left. Just a really nurturing lady. I love Judy.

I was so out of it from the amount they gave me at night that I was suckling like a baby every time I woke up. I was so embarrassed but it was kind of cool cause I always wondered how newborns could move their tongues so fast. But I guess the answer isn't morphine either.

Fast forward two days to yesterday, they said my hemoglobin was so low that I had to have a blood transfusion which I hated. I don't know what it is, I think it just grosses me out. I had two bags and it took all afternoon to early evening.

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Sorry those were all written really separately and on different amounts of insane narcotics. I'm currently home and only on Percocet so I'm pretty sound and on the ball. I don't know how to wrap that up because of how out of it I have been. But I got so many flowers and had an amazing time visiting with my sister, Kiki, Matty, Maria and my Ian almost every day. I'm glad it's over. I'm going to bed in between my children and anybody who disturbs me will feel my wrath.